I MOVED OUT!!!

Yes I am now on my own, and currently I am supposed to be a class right now but the Cox guy was late and didn't get out of here until about an hour into my class so I thought, why show up for the last 15 minutes cause by the time I got there it could be to late. I feel like shit.

So yeah I'm on my own. Well I got a roomate and all is well. Cable, Internet, and phone are all set up now so the house is like a house hehe. I'm so excited!! So now it's just a matter of getting back on my feet with this new job and balancing school when I don't have parents breathing down my neck to get shit done.

I just like being out on my own. True I don't get out of the apartment much but then again I sometimes prefer just to sit and do nothing. Besides I am taking this writing class and we have to put out two short stories by the end of term so I am constantly in front of this computer letting words flow out so that I can start working on a story.

Right now I am thinking of having one take place in New Orleans and have it be somewhat bittersweet melencholy. About a girl named Audrey and a guy named Hunter. Don't ask about the plot cause that I don't know. I was thinking about telling a story of their past and they were brought together by the death of a friend that they had and they just sit there remembering the times that they had. Who knows though. Thinking this creativly gets to me sometimes.

Either way I need to jet out to Circle K for somethings and then the rest of the day I am going to play on the computer until it's time for school and then a little karakoe (sp?)

Oh and to give credit the icon I am using for my posts in others journals is done by houseofblack. It's breathtaking!

Well, last year I had to sign up for classes in college so that I could get insurance as a full time student. So I took 4 classes which is 12 credits and that would make me full time, but I withdrew from a class so only proceeded to get 9 credits. Shit.

And mom found out so she is in a rage, rightfully so but still. So now, with all this military stuff I have to get done I think I may have to pay for the medical bills. I got a doctor's appointment on Monday tat will get my arm checked out and I have to get another letter saying that my female mystiqe is working okay too. That should be fun, I remember all the testing I had to get done last year and hopefully my old medical provider would still have my files so that I can just get what I need and jet out.

If all that goes well then I hope I can get down to MEPS by the end of the week and hopefully have a job. Now the thing is, in order to go in as an E2 I would need to have 21 credits so that means that I have to go back to school full time in order to get it. So I would have to delay enlist until the end of May because without a doubt if all this pans through I will be gone bu July 1st. So I need to sign up for classes although they will mostly be the crummy ones that nobody wanted in the first place. What is a girl to do huh?

But with me staying around here, and I told most of my friends that I would be gone by Febaury I have to go and find a job and I really don't want to do that. Working experinces for me always go bad, but I need the money so what can I do? My cash is low as it is.

Either way that is the story for today and hopefully everything will pan out and I will have a job picked out by next week and be in school and doing the whole student thing again. I don't wanna. But I am off to Panda Express for dinner! YAY ORANGE FLAVORED CHICKEN!!!!!!

There were pretties here but remote linking isn't permited so I don't know how to show people my pictures and stuff. Oh well.

. I am becoming obsessed with finding cool looking avatars. I want to be able to switch them out on a weekly basis and I also want to learn how to change banners over at ezboard so that when you post a new siggy comes up. I know Matty and them all know how to do it so maybe I should just ask. But I am working on a couple banners at the moment. I mostly have the ones for my story between Alias and 24. I want to make Harry Potter, LOTR, Moulin Rouge, West Wing, 24 and Sailor Cosmos. In due time I think.

I have so much to do today. Mental checklist being transferred.

Write thank you notes and mail them

Go to the bank

Call the recurtier and set up appointment.

Take shower

Take dog out

Looks about right, and no not in that order and I must do all this today cause I keep putting it off and putting it off. Im so bad. SO BAD.

Oh yeah and start working on my website. I think I am going to post my stories there just got to figure it all out this is it so far. http://spychic.bravehost.com 

Yeah a little past the new year but that is okay. It's the thought that counts right? I told myself that starting one January 1st that I would start up a journal ala Bridget Jones. Didn't work out that way, I have yet to even write anything down in the journal I was given for Christmas.

Then I thought I should come on here and post but then I wanted to delete all my post from last year because I had a rough split with the guy that I talked about in some of my entries. So I thought, as a way to purge myself of him, that I should delete all the ones that had to do with him. But I nixed that idea cause really, am I ever going to go back over and read them? No. Moved on from the bastard. End of Story.

So here I am again, saying that I will post in this thing more often than not. But I really must find the time. I need to get my life straight and put a little motivation back into myself and this is the way I must do it. How exactly I havent figured it out but give me time, give me time.

Let's see what can I talk about. Oh I started working on a fanfic the other day, well while I was gone for Christmas. It was a take off of the Yule Ball concerning Sirius and Kate which it isn't to bad I just don't think that anyone would be interested in reading it. I also started another one that is my own creation but I got to like the second chapter and my muse died on me and I have yet to find it again.

My dog, Bauer, is currently whimpering to let him out. I am trying to potty train him and I don't know if I am doing it right. I'm leaving him in the kennel for about and hour at a time then taking him out and only feeding him twice a day but giving him water when ever. Is that how you are supposed to do it?

I am going to go and fix my web hosting place now so that I can change all this around again. I'm not digging the pink anymore. Don't know what I will do yet but it will be cool, I hope. Till next time!

Always,

Kate

I loathe homework. I got a book to finish and not trying to over shoot....3 papers to write. But I can bullshit....wonderful quality to have as a college student. So GO ME!

In other news, which sadly isn't much. Being a women sucks. Period. End of Story.

Money is a glorious thing. I walked away from work this weekend 200 ahead. That is great news for me. I reached 1,000 which means only another 1,000 to go before I move out and I have only saved for 3 months and I never put all my money in so if I started doing that then I will be good to go. Yeah!

Lets see. Having a sex life is a wonderful thing. It's been so long. However and I want feedback on this. I just bought this skimpy thing from Vicky C's for like 30 bucks right. It's cute mind you...I'll try to get a picture. Anyroo. Whats the point? The thing is gonna be on for how long? 10 mintues tops? Because as much as guys say they are about foreplay, you dance around in a skimpy lacy thing the foreplay is gone and its right to the sex. Strip it and hit it. Such tact.

Yet they still want you to dance around in the skimpy lacy thing? Which 9 times out of 10 is about as comfortable as it looks, not very. I don't get it. What's the big deal about it? We, women, don't ask guys to go and get sexy things to wear to bed, do we? Unless we have a fetish and if you do....I don't want to know about it, k?  

So there is my life. I'm still avoiding homework and dwelling on things that have no real consequence to my life. Although something did hit me today. My life as it was back in Maryland was so much an illusion of runaway from reality because I was afraid of it. I was afraid of what life was like outside the small town I lived in and the walls that I had built around myself for comfort.

Then I come out here and I am hit with a reality that I had only thought could happen to me. Like looking at I don't see a difference but I was talking to a friend of mine and explaining to her about some things that I went through the past week and she said to me that I was worrying her. I asked why. She reponded, and I could just picture the look on her face, "with all this talk of reality" and that was when I realized it. I'm so beyond what kind of life she is leading and i am out in a world that I thought I would never be a part of.

True it still isnt a full reality but it's like I realized for the first time that I'm not such a kid anymore. I don't know how to deal with that. So that's why I should do my hw and go back into a false reality that school is still all that I am dealing with.

Really. Women aren't the only ones who make anything complicated.

Why is it...I mean how can the two genders be so opposite of each other? How can men not be as concerned about what comes out of there mouths or how it is going to affect others? I can't seem to wrap my mind around the concept.

Like a man says something that to him doesn't really mean anything and yet when he says it to a woman she takes it as an insult of sorts.

For example. Today someone said to me, a man, when talking about what his friend had asked him concerning me. "So are you going to sleep with her, you know she wants you bad."

Maybe I shouldn't have been slightly offended by that or maybe I am over shooting this a bit but the way he said it, and he laughed afterwards, and I just cringed at it. Cause to me it sounded like he didn't want me and that he doesn't still. I shouldn't really look at it that way cause he would have to want me if we have been together, right?

I mean I don't get why women deal with things emotionally or why we hang onto things that men don't. I'm sure he doesn't even remember saying that to me cause it was such an off the cuff comment but here I am hours later dwelling on it and what it could mean. He said more during the conversation which just continued to make me inwardly cringe cause I don't think he knew that what he was saying was making me feel cheap. Cause he would never intentionally say things like that if he knew that he was upsetting me in the slightest. We joke around, don't get me wrong, and he says things but then I know that we are messing so I let it slide off my back.

I suppose because I'm insecure where this guy is concerned and I don't really know what he is thinking about something. He has his actions which I understand but then...see what I mean, I want to talk about why he does the things he does, to be reassured that he is doing it because of the reasons I think he is doing and I KNOW he doesn't want to talk about them because he doesn't see it the way I do.

And that's what gets me. How can the two sexes be so different?  Why must women anyalze things and want to talk about them and disect them until you have it down to the basics in order to feel like you have a handle on the situation and men just dont even think about it in the same way? There are times where I don't want to discet it to death and I just get it for what it is and move on but other times I want to be laid down on a couch and have some shrink listen to me and explain it all away. Why is that?

Then I don't want to come off as clingly or you know scary by any means to talk to him about it. Cause we have never really set down and talked about what this thing is between us because there has never been a good moment to do so and I'm sure he doesn't even dwell on it like I do. But oh well. I think I may have to talk to him about it sometime in the near future for my own sainity.

I am never drinking again!

But I say that every morning after I get done getting smashed.

Happened again last night. Had a wee much to drink and felt it this morning with cotton mouth and a very dizzy out look on life. But the night before was fun and that was all that mattered.

I blame it all on one man whom yesterday I was angry with, today I have no opionion. One my plans were cancled, because of man, so I had some ice cream, because of man and then had an open night, because of man,  so I went and downed away the mad feeling that I had, solely man's fault, and said feeling was replaced with a nice buzz. The buzz quickly beat out and residing feelings of anger.

I was promised that I would get it made up to me and he better come through on that, jackass. Did I mention that I hate men? I didn't...well. I HATE MEN.

Not really I just got done talking to him and he isn't feeling well  which is why our plans were cancelled. Poor baby, I know he isn't feeling okay and nothing can be done. Sigh

Woke up feeling like shit. Worked today smelling like booze, ewww. I  open tomorrow too. Blah. I need to get caught up on my homework as well. I need to finish Pygmalion (sp?) which so far isn't too bad but I can't help but bursting into song every once awhile and belting out "Move your bloomin arse" Such is my reading experience.

Either way I'm jetting.

I used to post everyday and then I got back from Alabama and everything just went from being managable to not being managable.

I worked for two weeks, everyday, and mostly doubles. I went out almost everynight and even if I didn't I got back from work late and was too tired to do anything.

And now I have two days off of work which are the days that I got to class for 5 hours and I work every other day. Plus two of my friends decided that they wernt going to hang out anymore so I have to divide my time between them. Which I'm starting to mind because Lynnette likes to do things later and Kim likes to do stuff before 10:00 but by the time I leave Kim I'm tired and don't feel like going out again. So I just need to say no to Kim sometimes because I am making Lynnette mad cause it seems like I am always ditching her.

Plus add on top of that I have homework and I am invovled with a man at the moment. Lynnette is the only one that knows about that and she is getting slightlly irratated because I want to be with this guy and she knows that I am not going to be hanging out with her as much as I was before and at the moment that really isn't a lot. I really hope she understand because I have wanted to be with him for some time now and it finally happened and I am happy and want to spend time with him and of course I am going to take any chance that I can to be with him.

And this is me just bitching about life. I won't even get into my little insercurties where this new invovlment is concerned. I am not calling it a realtionship because it's not and who knows if it ever will be. All I know is that I like spending time with this guy and for right now that is all that I got and it's good enough.

I seriously wish that I had more time during the day. I miss getting online and I have hardly talked to anyone in ages and I miss everyone. It was my little escape from reality and I could really use that at the moment but my reality is taking up every moment in life and it's daunting. I have a strange feeling that I am just going to collapse from over exerting myself and not really realizing it.

Sigh. I started classes yesterday. I think that I am really going to enjoy going to class this year.

I'm taking Literature & Film, Issues in American Politics, History of Westen Civilization from the Mid Ages to the French Revolution and Gothic to Contemperary Art. I go all day Tuesday and Thursday. But it seems like the classes will be a lot of fun and I am just glad to be back in school, to be doing something different. Going to work everyday was getting a bit mundane.

But now I got 12 credits plus working 5 days a week. I guess other people do it and I shouldn't complain but from not doing anything to working everyday and then now going to school and trying to balance a social life is just going to be tiresome.

What else is happening to me. That is pretty much it. I need to clean out my car. My friend got her own (which broke down yesterday and she bought it on Monday) so I won't cart her ass around any more which means that my car can actually be clean and stay that way. Seriously this girl is 19 and she leaves a mess every place she goes and doesnt even think of cleaning it up. You can tell her all you want and she still wont do it. It's like I take care of a 5 year old and really I don't need or want that. So from now on I am just going to have to be assertive and tell her no when she asks to basically use me.

That's about it on my front. You would think that I havent written in this thing that I would have alot to tell but nope. My life is a bore. Arg.

Oy Vey. Well. Nothing much has really been happening to me as of late. Being hanging out with people since I got back.

My brother Pat comes into town tonight for two weeks. 10 bucks we get into at least one fight by the time he leaves.

Well get this. Mr. Kate-thought-I-was-an-asshole-for-a-few-weeks apoligized to me last tonight. He said that he knew something was wrong with him he just didn't know what and that put him in a mood. But he said that he was sorry for being such a bastard and was all if you noticed. Yeah I think I did.

I don't know. I told him that I noticed that he wasnt acting like himself and that I didn't want to go up to him and be all "Why you being such an ass" which he said would not have been the thing to do. I also didn't want to step on his toes and come out and ask what was wrong with him either. I don't want to come off as some clingy girl, you know? Originally I thought it was the chick he was trying for and I really didn't want to know about that so that was another reason I didn't ask anything.

But all is good now.

Dude, I watched Flight of the Navigator last night. It was so funny. Lynnette and I were talking about it a few days ago and then John said something at the pool about how he was looking for it. It was wierd. So they were all texting me and bugging me when I was getting ready for work to bring it over.

Although this really sucks. My mom said that she would like to know where I am all of the time and to call and shit when I was going somewhere. So last night after work I called to tell her I was going over to John and Scott's (I am calling it Judy's from now on.) and I woke both my parents up at 10:30. Then they said that I am hanging out with these guys too much. What 2 girls cant go hang out with 2 guys and watch movies? Nothing is going on between any of us although my mom thinks I am having sex with one of them.   Either way...I'm not calling anymore now. When I leave the house I am just going to say that I will be back by 1. Easy enough.

I can't wait to move out!

Kate